When Your Heart is Breaking

Today has been one of the most difficult days of my life. For some reason I thought writing this down would help me work through this. Earlier this morning I made one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. So what do you do when your heart is breaking?

If you have read my blog you know I am a dachshund mamma. I have been blessed to be the dachshund mamma to 3 of the most wonderful fur babies I could ever have brought into my life. Sophie joined me 16 years ago when she was just 7 months old. She rescued me. I was going through another very difficult time in my life and she brought so much joy to me. Today this is about her.

Two years ago she was diagnosed with cushings disease and we started medication and she did really well, until the medication pushed her into another condition Addison’s disease. We stopped the medication and she did fine with this condition. Along the way signs of aging were taking a toll on my little Sophie girl.  She began showing signs of arthritis and her beautiful brown eyes became clouded over with cataracts. She managed with these conditions really well until a few months ago. She began having difficulty getting in and out of the dog door and had incontinence issues. We visited our beloved Veterinarian several times, each time being sent home with medications to help my little girl navigate life. I had to do everything I could. Everything possible.

Sophie has always loved her food and ate just about everything in sight. I always told myself that when she stopped eating is when I would know. I would know. I prayed that Sophie would slip quietly away in her sleep and I would not have to make the decision. A decision a pet owner secretly wishes they would never have to make but, knowing as a responsible pet owner you most likely would have to make. The decision to allow your dearly loved pet to end their suffering, to be at peace, to go home. Knowing it would shatter your heart in so many pieces that it would seem impossible to put it back together. I don’t expect everyone to feel this way about their pets, this is my story. Don’t tell me she is just a dog, don’t tell me she is in a better place. I don’t need to hear this, I don’t need to hear anything from anyone. This is my story, a way for me to begin the healing process, a way for me to feel like I made the right decision, to know I did everything possible for this little girl. I don’t even know if I will publish this. If it will help one person to know that someone else out there loves their pets as much as they do then I guess I will.

Sophie stopped eating 2 days ago. I made the appointment for today. I have had all day to say good bye to my sweet girl. It’s not easy. It hurts like someone has ripped out my heart and stomped all over it. I don’t want it to ruin my holidays and that is what Mr. Pinkcakeplate is afraid of. I have to be strong, be brave and most of all a loving dog mamma and let my sweet Sophie go. This is what you do when your heart is breaking.